Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Today I am lonely


Some days it really hits me that my family is so very far away! The days that I wake up with headaches and don't feel like eating I just miss them so so much! I feel like staying in bed all day. I want to call my mom but I am afraid I will cry and then she will cry and I can't handle being the cause of her being sad. I love being where I know I am supposed to be. Joe and I have learned to follow the spirit in every aspect of our life. And when we moved here it was direct guidance that we received. I never have questioned that. However I am lonely some days. Today is one of those days and I was not going to blog about it but I feel like putting it out there. 


Robyn wrote about my Dad today and as much as I love it (keep it coming I really do) today was probably not the day I should have read it. Instead of making me feel the joy I normally do when I hear stories of him. Today I was sobbing for an hour after I was finished reading it. I missed him so much it hurt. I felt sad that my older brother was gone too. More sad that all I have is wheat bread,  I felt, just sad, there's really no other word to say it. Just sad! 
Michael caught me crying after my shower this afternoon and he wrapped his arms around me and said "Mom are you sad" When I said yes he said "Do you miss Daddy?" I said yes I miss your Daddy but I miss my Daddy today. We ended up talking for a long time about my Dad and Brother. We talked and held each other for a long time each of my kids coming into my bed at separate times until all four of us were snuggled into my bed with me. We had a great time talking about heaven and Death and temples where we are sealed for eternity. We talked about Michael's name and where it comes from.  It was a precious moment, an afternoon well waisted in bed. 
How grateful I am for the sealing powers that bind my family together my father, my brother. And now my own family husband, wife, father, son, mother, daughter. We have been made an eternal family just like my mom and dad. We will never part. there is nothing that will separate us. No distance, No death can take my family from me at least not forever. 
So as I sit here missing everyone. Not just my dad and brother. But, my whole family my mom, and sisters, my little brother. I still am grateful for the presence of my Heavenly Father and his Son who bring me back to happiness, when I am ready, and show me that the plan is a great one. Even if it doesn't always make sense to my brain. Someday I will be able to have a better knowledge of why things are the way they are. I can have my questions answered and maybe even my Dad can be the one who explains it all to me. Today I just want it to be now and not later.

7 comments:

Robyn said...

((((Hugs)))) Big Hugs! I know my first daughter knows how you feel a but. She is so far away from all of us. It is really hard to be away from the ones you love. I am glad the stories about your dad help. I know they do, just sometimes, it also feels worse. That's okay too. Just know you are part of our prayers and we love you and yours so much!

Tiffany said...

You are amazing and you're in my prayers! I know that sometimes it's just too hard to think about how life would be if we still had our dads. Think that right now he is with your little girl. It makes it so special to know that she goes from his arms to yours!

Mandi said...

Hey Erin, It's Mandi, I am so glad I get to read your blog. What a sweet post, and what great memories your kids will have. That is so wonderful. You are a great inspiration, and I know it's hard being away from family, but it's great to listen to the Lord and it's a blessing to know you are where you need to be. Try to keep strong, but we all have days like that. We are allowed them.

Brianna said...

I wish I could run up there and just give you a big hug. I wish we were still there, and able to see you, even if we didn't the time we were up there. I am glad that you and your little ones can sit and talk about family. You are a great mother! Just know that we love you and miss you too.

Lisa M. said...

Ah my dear!

I am near!

We should hang out some day and watch movies and have yummy healthy snacks.

I am so impressed with you, oh great one!

A Sharing Heart said...

You ar doing such great things with your little children. They are so lucky to have you for a mother. I am so in agreement with you about not having family near. If I stop and think about it I cry. I don't have anyone around to hug or listen to or love. I just have my faith knowing that this life is short and someday I will be with all those I love so dearly!

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