Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Who I am?

The songs of the Children of The church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. These words carry us out of childhood and into our rough adult lives. They give us the strength we need to be who we are. Our Heavenly Fathers Children. The souls that reside within each of us strive to listen and to feel the spirit that will guide us to be the people we were before we chose to some to this world. The words of these songs bring us that sweet spirit, they fill our hearts with the Love of our Father.

I am a Child of God, and he has sent me here!!
I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, I know who I am I know god plan I'll follow him in faith!!
I am like a star shining brightly!!
I see my mother kneeling with my family each day!!
I love to see the temple, I'm going there some day!! 
I will go. I will do the things the Lord commands, I know the Lord provides a way he wants me to obey!
Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet he knows the way!
I'm trying to be like Jesus, I'm following in his ways!!
I lived in Heaven a long time ago it is true, lived there and loved there with people I know so did you!
I want to be a missionary now, I don't want to wait until I'm grown!
I feel my Saviors love, in all the world around me!
I kneel to pray every day, I speak to Heavenly Father, he hears and answers me, when I pray in faith!

These words are a part of me. I know them all by heart. I have sung them with my whole soul since I was very young. I can here the music on the piano as I sing the words. they flow from somewhere deep inside of me, they come straight from my heart. On days when I feel like my whole soul will rip to shreds from the weight just being human brings upon me I can call upon these words and draw my strength from the spirit they bring into my soul. Lately it seems like all the world is in chaos. People are afraid, of so many things. The world seems to be falling of it's axis somehow. And yet here we sit ready to take the next blow that comes our way. 
This has got to make Satan gain power. I bet he just sits back and can't wait to whisper in your ear "Does the Lord love you?" "How could he, if he lets this happen?" "You are just a drop in the bucket, how could he care about your little problem when so many are suffering?" "You didn't even pray this morning. why would he listen to you now?" "You are not good enough, he doesn't care about you?"

I have been so bogged down in all of these thoughts and last night after a long and lengthy battle I feel like I am emerging. I was praying and praying to feel something. Anything! I had lost my way somehow. Become weighted down by the things of this world. And after staying up and praying for most of the night the words of a song poured into my soul. "I feel my Saviors love, in all the world around me" Then "I am a child of God, and he has sent me here" And "I know who I am, I know Gods plan, I'll follow him in faith!!" I do know my Heavenly Father has a plan. It is a perfect plan. One that brings me to back to live with him again. And not only me but all of us. All of my brothers and sisters with me. He has prepared  a way. We can overcome all of the things of this life and of this world. Through our Savior Jesus Christ, he will bring us home. We can get there!! It is not easy and sometimes is just plain sucks but, when it is not easy we can lean on the things we have always known. Go back our roots and live the sweet truths of our youth. I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND HE HAS SENT ME HERE HAS GIVEN ME AN EARTHY HOME WITH PARENTS KIND AND DEAR!!....

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A lesson in being prepared!

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away!! 

Then BAM flat tire on the freeway in a not so good part of town, and I got to learn a pretty valuable lesson. 
We left yesterday morning on a hunt. You see Ora was given a beautiful dress from my Aunt and Uncle and it just so happens it is perfect for Joe's sisters wedding. Only one small problem it did not fit. So we went out to costco early in the hopes to find the dress in the right size. NO go they were gone. I asked the customer service guy if there was any way he could tell me where I could find one and he said no, all of the dresses with that number were different. So even if another costco had one it may not be the right color for the wedding. There was one place that we may  have better luck. So off we went just a few miles away to see if we could find it. Only almost to our exit on the freeway the back drivers side tire blew. I called the insurance company and was able to get a guy to come change the tire only it was going to take about 45 minutes for him to arrive. To normal people this would be no big deal but, for a mother with four kids 6 and under it was going to be tricky. I had not packed snacks because I thought we would just eat at costco. It was lunch time. They were hungry. 
Then I remembered we had our 72 hour kits in the back of the car. We were saved. snacks, coloring books, crayons, water. Everything you would think we would need to make it through the next 45 minutes on the side of the freeway. And once again a snag.... When I opened the kits. everything had been packed a year ago. The fruit snacks were melted, the granola bars stale, and oh yeah, coloring books with no crayons. 
We did make it, my kids loved it actually. At least the fruit snacks part. They were gooey and yummy and in Michael's words "they do what gummy worms do" Ora on the other hand was not so pleased. She was very upset that she did not get to color. I also notices the clothes inside would not have fit any of my kids very well at all. 

(however we did find the dress)

Be better prepared! It may not be any huge disaster that finds you in need of your things it may just be a little one. 

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lesson 2 Abraham 3, Moses 4:1-4

I know that most of you all are on lesson 3 but, I had stake conference last weekend so I am behind by a week. I am once again feeling pretty prepared about this one. Mostly because I love these scriptures. 

Abraham is another person who gives us some great insight into ourselves, our savior and the plan our father has for each and every one of his children. Abraham was prepared for the great vision he was shown from his early youth. He was saved from sacrifice to an idol by an angel. He moved away from that place and into the land of Canaan which would later be promised to be a pace for his posterity. And he wanted to know his God. He worked at that I am sure.  
We can parallel even his early days to our own lives. What are we doing to get ready for what our Father has in store for us? Are we keeping ourselves in places, or with friends, or in states of mind that are not conductive to the spirit of God? Are we willing to move ourselves out of those things in order to be closer to our Heavenly Father?
Abraham was ready and the Lord wanted him, like Moses from the last lesson, to understand who he was. So he showed him many things. One of which was the council in Heaven. This is something that Latter day Saints believe happened before the world was formed. That our Father, whom we had lived with as spirit children called us together and presented his plan for our progression. He told us of a way that we could be made like him, an opportunity for us to learn and to grow and(I think most importantly) to prove to him that we would do whatever we needed to do to get back to him  (Abraham 3:25) But, not all of us would prove worthy so he would provide a Savior for us. Jesus Christ and Lucifer then both presented their own plans for how that would work. They were vastly different and a war followed. The spirits who chose to follow the way of Jesus were given the gift of life and sent to earth to receive a body. Those spirits who chose to follow Lucifer's plan were damned and cast out of the presence of the Father. 
It is interesting, Our Heavenly Father loves all of his spirit children but, he cannot choose for us what we are going to do. He can send us angels to help us, he can guide and direct us through prophets, the scriptures, and through our own personal revelation, but the choice is ours. It always has been. Satan used the same agency he desired to take away to rebel against the Father and those spirits who followed now use that agency to tempt and to try us here on Earth. 
It is so easy to forget all of the reasons we chose to come to this life. My Mother still to this day says "I would not have chosen this" (her life is a whole different story) But the plain fact is that we did chose this. And our Father in Heaven sent us with a plan as well. We have a purpose in this life. He has something wonderful in store for us. And in my opinion the only way to be absolutely sure we are still fighting the war we started so long ago is to be anxiously engaged in the work of getting back to him. It has to be the thing we think about most of all. I myself get so frustrated sometimes at how unfair life seems. Some people suffer while others sail, why is that. I get distracted by money, my house, my children, my husband, and a million other things that may be important but are not as important as the plan of my Father in Heaven. All of those things are a part of that plan if I can just remember that. My Father chose me, held me in reserve to come at a time that he chose. A time just perfect for the plan he had in store for me. And as his spirit daughter I stood in Heaven triumphant and eager to get here to come to Earth and to do whatever it took, even if it meant I got angry with him sometimes, to get back to him. The point is AM I STILL THAT PERSON?
Am I willing to remember the way for me is the one He chose, and he will guide me ONLY if I choose to listen to him. He sent his perfect Son to provide a way for me, so if I get off my path I can be guided back by the only other person who really knows me and knows what I need all the time, my Savior Jesus Christ. There is a plan and it is a perfect plan I, being imperfect, just need to trust more in that plan. And remember like Abraham I was chosen (and I chose) before I was born. 

Monday, January 11, 2010

The truth about tonsillectomy


When I took Michael, my six year old, into the Ear Nose and Throat clinic at primary children's hospital I was excited. He has been not feeling well for so long that we were willing to do anything to get him feeling better. The doctor was positive that what he needed was to have his tonsils and adenoids out. I was right there ready to go, he was all on board as well. And we were ready. It was a 30 minute procedure, we would go into the hospital in the morning we would be home by the afternoon and then he would start to get better. At least that is what the Dr. and nurses said would happen. I had a friend who tried to warn me but even then I just knew he would do okay. He is such a trooper, with an ability to understand things way beyond his age.  NOW 7 days later I am angry. Angry that I was not informed of how truly horrible this recovery would be. So here I am to tell the truth!!! 

Day One - We checked in at the hospital and he was taken back to surgery. I did not even have time to finish a coke before the doctor came out to tell me it went well. I asked a few questions like, When could he go back to school? What foods can he eat? And was told to just take things as they come and he could go at his own pace. That some kids even eat chips the next day. THE END OF OUR DISCUSSION. 
Day Two - He woke up fine and thought he would go to school. I decided to keep him home but, he did well and I thought for sure he would be able to go the next day. 
Day Three - All Hell broke loose! He woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain. I shot out of bed thinking he was being tortured. He was kicking and screaming in his bed and poor Jordan took some punches as well so he was crying too. Then Abby started screaming because she got woke up. And Ora woke up from Abby's screaming. I then screamed "Joseph( (my husband) get in here!" sent him into the girls and I got Michael into the living room. In about AN HOUR he was calmed down enough to get some extra medicine and then he and I snuggled up on the couch for a few minutes while he fell back to sleep. I then proceeded to get into bed thinking we would make it till morning. We Did Not! Just a few hours later it was the same scene all over again. So I made him a bed on the floor in my room. Every time he woke up it was as if he was living his worst nightmare and I was stuck watching it unfold with nothing I could do to help. 
Day Four - During the day it was pretty normal. We were able to keep him medicated but he was acting kind of unusual. He was extremely sad and a little bit anxious. I get depressed when I take Loratab so I suspected this was causing some of his problems. I made a call to the Dr. to see if they could give him something else and the answer I received was "He is probably in pain so why don't we increase his dose and see if that helps." I know my boy and he was not getting anxious from pain he would have told me. I tried to get the Dr. again to give us something different with no luck. So I called a pharmacist and he helped me dose him with Tylenol and  Motrin. We survived day four barely!!! And the night again was like a living nightmare.
Day Five and Six - All the same to me. And extremely blurry, we have not slept since last Monday and we are seriously going insane. Now instead of waking up And running I have turned into some awful version of myself. I jump up and start shushing him because I feel like I cannot do it. Instead of comfort I find myself getting angry thinking "I cannot do this again!" "I am DONE" "Michael, just take your medicine and lay back down. Come on please!!" We have been spiraling out of control the last couple of nights. 
And now here I am ANGRY!!! Angry that I was not better prepared. Instead of saying "Oh some kids eat potato chips the next day." They should have said Most kids are layed up in bed for ten days or more in agony and confusion. I should have been warned that it could have been this bad. Not wondering if he was acting normal or not. I should not have had to go looking on the internet to figure out what was normal.I should have been listened to, I knew the medicine was making him worse, they should have helped me when I asked for it. I will never hear the words "mom. I think I am getting so sick I am going to die!" again. I am not sure my heart can take much more but, I think we are on the upswing of this nightmare. And at least now I have a cause to work towards from all of this. You had better believe I will be speaking to some higher ups over at the hospital and I will be listened to this time. No mother should have to go through this without the information needed to make better decisions than I did.  

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Nameless

As I was reading for my lesson this week I came across a verse of scripture that I am sure I have read before. But, it has never hit me before. Abraham 1:11. 

11 Now, this priest had offered upon this altar three virgins at one time, who were the daughters of Onitah, one of the royal descent directly from the loins of aHam. These virgins were offered up because of their virtue; they would not bbow down to worship gods of wood or of stone, therefore they were killed upon this altar, and it was done after the manner of the Egyptians.

This scripture is smack dab in the middle of the Chapter in which Abraham is set to be sacrificed himself upon that very alter and he is saved by the Lord. I was reading through this chapter on my way to Abraham 3 for this weeks lesson. And was stopped dead in my tracks with this verse. My mind was flooded with questions. Who were these girls? What was their life like? What were their families thinking?  So I went looking, trying to find what I could. It was not much. They seem to truly be the nameless three.
We don't hear much about women in the scriptures. I like to believe that is because we are too precious to our Heavenly Father to bring up our names in just any form. So we hear about a few but not many. And these just briefly. But, I believe they were real girls. Valiant and honorable girls. Who gave up their lives to fulfill all righteousness. They stood up and died for what they believed in. They were steadfast and immovable. What courageous examples for our own daughters.  A few girls who we don't know anything about. But.... What I did find was this (joe got me the book 'Women of the Old Testament' for Christmas it's awesome) 
I looked up the name Onitah in the index and found a quote from Neal A. Maxwell He was comparing these girls to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego "Matching those three men are three young women whose names we do not have. They are mentioned in the book of Abraham, remarkable young women about whom I am anxious to know more. They were actually sacrificed upon the alter because 'they would not bow down to worship [an idol] of wood or stone'. Some day the faithful will get  to meet them" 
I am hoping to teach my daughters that very thing. That if they can live up to these women we will be invited to meet them in the eternities.  What a terrific goal, each of us can get to know these brave girls who taught (at least me) so much to us in the one verse we know about them!

----P.S. I am hoping to make this more of a thing, to look up more of the nameless from the scriptures! Again no promises but, it would sure be fun.----