Tuesday, September 26, 2006

ME and THE BIG GUY

I don't know about any of you but when I get to the other side of this life. I will be sitting down for a nice long chat with the man in charge.
I have an amazing mother. A women who in all rights has been through enough, the loss of her soulmate and first child being just the tip of a huge iceberg. I am at a point in my life where I am SICK OF IT. I cannot watch her go through any more. My baby brother has had 16 brain surgeries, my sister had reconstructive heart surgery. All of this she had to deal with on her own. She did not complain, at least not much. She took her life in stride and went on with it.
Now she is in the battle of her life, having seizures most of the time for the last two years. When is enough enough!! and who decides.
I truly feel like I want to kneel down and scream. Can you do that? I want so many things for this woman who has done so much for me. But, I can't even begin to dream for her because I have no idea how she is going to feel one day to the next. How do I watch my mother like this?
What do you do when you are angry at the Lord? I mean I went through a real angry stage when I realized what I missed out on having my dad gone, but this seems to be worse because I am having to watch it from the outside in. I feel like a freind having to watch Job and not being able to do anything.
Any wisdom would be nice...

6 comments:

chronicler said...

Ahhh it is wisdom you seek. Unfortunately I have none to offer. I have often wondered the same thing. Your mother has endured so much. It makes me often wonder why? Was this her life plan, did she choose these burdens? Is she beyond her capapbility to accept them and go forth, pleasing the Lord in the face of severe trial?I think of how sweet the reunion will be, and am amazed she doesn't just give up and wish for that.

Still, she's here, she's an instrument of His and an example to your family. She knows true love and its abilities. Believe it or not, she has been an inspiration to me. I am not sure I could have nedured her trials. It sadden me to think how much the two, er three of them have missed together. Dwelling on those thoughts, however, only make life harder. Once she was reminded that this would seem like a long time, but to remember in the eyes of the Lord it would only be a short while. It must be that reminder that she clings to and help her keep going.

chronicler said...

I am a terrible typist, my brain thinks faster than my fingers, please forgive the typos!

s'mee said...

I am going to try this again, I posted a comment 2 days ago and where did it gooooo? (blogger!)

Go ahead and scream. Go ahead and let Heavenly Father know you have had enough. As Chonicler stated trials are for a reason, but that does not mean we can't or won't get frustrated at them.

Prayer may or may not eliminate our burdens, but when we go to Heavenly Father and explain in very good detail why we feel the way we do, He will be there and we WILL recieve an answer that will calm us down and help ease it all.

Prepare yourself. Get into your scriptures moreso than usual. Fast and prepare for this inspiration. Prepare time alone so that you are not disturbed, so that you can listen and recieve the answer you are looking for. Understand that the answers may come in a variety of ways, but that you will know in your heart and in your mind that these are what Heavenly Father needs you to know.

And after it is all said and done, Chronicler was right (again) we are only here for a tiny moment (that knot in the string -if you will), hang in there kid.

The Pea said...

Thank you both so much for your words, I feel like the advise you give is what my Dad might say. In fact I think he is the reason I am so upset about all of this, I know if he were here my mom would at least be more comfortable through all of this. But, I know I cannot dwell on that. She has me and my siblings, and that is the best we can do right now. I love you both.
Thanks again

Lisa M. said...

Hey Pea!

I just stumbled here, by the way of Ms. S'mee's spot. She's one of my favorites and so is Ms. Chronicler. They both have nick names in my book, but.. I'll refrain.

*giggle*

Its delightful to meet you.

I grew up in Las Vegas, at the time it was North Las Vegas, and now. Well, now it is practically downtown.

I don't know, at all.. your Mom, but I too, plan to have a nice little chat with Heavenly Father. I have a GREAT deal I'd like answers too. From mosquitos (WHY) and to.. questions like yours, Suffering.

I have no wisdom. The older I get, the more I realize I know very little.

I can testify, that when I have presented my ernest frustrations to our Heavenly Father, I have found comfort. The burden typically hangs around, but my spirit is soothed.

May you find that... in all that you combat.

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