Thursday, March 06, 2008

Complaint

This past year has been a tough one, that is putting it rather lightly however I will spare most of the details.  I have learned allot and I am thankful  for most of what I have been through. We needed to leave Nevada, we were not doing very well while we were there. We spent time on our knees together Joe and I, we fasted and prayed and then we moved to Utah. Coming here was not easy, I was so scared to leave everything and everyone behind, but we did it. We came here and we started fresh. Now here we are barely a year later and we are starting over again. New house, new ward, new everything. I am not sure I am ready to do it again. I'm not sure I want to. I guess I am ready to know why we came here. I don't feel like I have accomplished anything but failure, does that count for anything? 

This new house we came to is adorable, it is, but it is old and has problems, the sink in the kitchen wobbles, the stove is so old I am afraid that it is going to blow up, I have no microwave (that sucks), my dryer just quit working so I am having o hang dry and then iron everything I own, and now today my van is making a scary sound! 
Some days I need to be able to just scream, I want to go buy something to throw and break but then again I cannot go anywhere in my car.    
I know I should focus on the good in my life. I am having a bad day and I need to send this out into the universe to be judged by the whole word. 
I called my sister earlier today, partly to vent and then to laugh. And now I have come to a decision. The after life is not going to be as great as I think. The mansions are going to be little more than apartments, but after all that we have been through I am going to jump for joy just to have something that is mine for good. Maybe even with a shower that I don't have to scrub all the time. 
I feel better. Seriously, now I am going to post this, even though I know I shouldn't But heck why not. Even if I come off as the biggest complainer on the planet It will be better having it go somewhere than to just fester inside of me. 

11 comments:

1stdaughter said...

That wasn't as bad as I thought it could have been. I am the queen of complaining...just ask my family. I have tried to get better, but I have started to wonder if its really worth it? Its okay. Every once in awhile its nice to just let one go. And really let it go! I hope things start looking up for you!

Bri said...

Ok, so I am the biggest complainer right now in the family, Danielle says she is but, I get the crown right now. I think life is really hard, and I know everyone around keeps saying things will look up and it will get better, but I think I need to wallow in my self pity right now. I need to come to terms with what is going on. I can totally understand that you just want to scream. You are never alone in that! Let me know if I can do anything for you.

Bean said...

Oh sweetie I am so sorry! I know how it feels to just want to scream and yell and throw a fit. That is how I felt the whole first year of living in Rexburg. I promise you that it does get better. Just remember that friends may come and go but your family will always be there for you to cheer you up. Just look at the comments:o) We love you so much even though we haven't been able to spend much time together. We are always there for you if you need someone to rant to or even to cry to!

Trent and Lindz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trent and Lindz said...

I am so sorry you have so much craziness going on right now. But I have no doubt that you will make it through this. Just look at our heritage! Grandma and Grandpa are two of the strongest people I know and look at all they've been through! Your mom is right up there too!! And my parents can absolutly relate to what you are going through right now. But if what is happening in your life means you will become like any of those people then you are so blessed! It sounds like you are already on your way to making the best of your situation. Just remember you're not alone. I love you! Hang in there!

chronicler said...

Oh Pea, sweet pea! I have had those same thoughts recently about the next life. I am wondering if it is something in the air?

I don't know. I guess just ranting about it and knowing that there are so many who care will be there for you does make things a bit better. But hey! Why does it seem that some people get better blessings?

But then again, I guess are best blessings come in the shape of people we love. And you are just that!

Trent and Lindz said...

I tagged you!! See my blog for the details :)

The Pea said...

You guys are awsome!!!! Thank you so much for loving me!

Lisa M. said...

I think it is wonderful to vent. I think it helps articulate where our thoughts are, helps us define exactly what is bothering us.

The entire last three years of my blog is a cycle of feeling gracious and full of gratitude to yelling at anyone who would listen, about how unfair life is.

I can't imagine what my last four years would have been like, with out blogging. It's safe here. Safe to write how you really feel- and then gain the courage to keep on going.

Starting anew is always a mixed bag of tricks, isn't it?

We recently had the opportunity to start in a new ward. I was so looking forward to it. Yet- again, there were bumps I wasn't quite prepared for.

I think you hit the nail on the head, when you said that you and Joe had spent time on your knees, in order to find guidance.

I assure you, the direction we take, and the choices we make will almost always make us better people. Even if there are consequences that go along with them. Seeking divine guidance can only help your plight. So, that is indeed a step in the right direction. So many times, I have just forged through, with out the time on my knees, and.. ugg.. have I always regretted that.

So, I think that is wonderful.

I appreciate your candor here. I really hope you feel more cheerful soon!

Have a Happy Easter. I am so grateful for the concept of redemption. This time of year, of renewal, always brings me closer to our Heavenly Father.

Much love- and most of all, that ever allusive, peace.

Lisa M. said...

Oh, I don't know who Bean is-

But... I think it takes a strong person to survive (yet alone flourish) in Rexburg!

YIPES!

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