Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Remember with a Smile!

I write this post without thinking every year. I do it for solice and so whatever comes....comes, you get what you get! I don't edit it, for anything other than spelling so here comes what will come....

Once again it is that time of year! The Day of Days as my family calls it. The day when all of us.. Even so many years later... Take a time out to remember those we loved and lost so long ago.
My Dad was so special, to all those who knew him he will never be forgotten. I wish so badly that I was one of those people, I wish for just a moment I could remember him. I wish I could pull on some sweet memory that I have of his arms around my waist or his lips on my cheek but, all I can do is imagine, dream sweet dreams where I can pull my own moments from. They may not be real but they are what I have, and I am grateful for them.
My kids and I sing at bedtime. They sing sometimes to me but, most often I sing to them. The Rock n' Roll lullaby my Father wrote.

I'm gonna sing you to sleep now
With a rock n roll lullaby
Your gonna dance with the sand man
So just close your sleepy eyes
Daddy's Girls and Boys
You know you bring me so much joy
You've been fightin this battle for an hour or longer
Now's not the time to prove your stronger
See that man rounding the bend
the man with the dreams to lend
He's just waiting
For you to close your sleepy eyes.

I have no idea how he would have sung it, but I sing it my way and the memories I get can transform to him singing to me when I went to bed. I can picture him holding me as an infant while I screamed for hours and hours. Thinking up this song to soothe me. When I have had one of those nights with my babies, where I get to the place where I can take no more I call on him. I lay my little one down and leave the room, get on my knees and pray for the Father to send my Father to my baby. Then I wait.... It always works!! As I hum this tune outside of the room I get to the end and the crying stops. He comes and takes over while I sleep. I have done it more with some babes than with others and have not used "my trick" often for fear it would go away. But, I know in the reality of Heaven and a visit back here from there is not out of the question.
Maybe sometimes my brother comes, maybe he sits by me as I struggle to keep things together. Maybe he hold my hand when I think no one else is there and I cry. Maybe, just maybe they are guiding my life more than I would ever think.

Man I miss them! The two men I never knew who shaped my life so well. My reason for being who I am and wanting to be with them again so badly that I will face ANY challenge of this life and overcome it just to get the chance to make my own memories some day with them.


S'mee said...

The only words I can come up with right now are: I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I do.

Cristen said...

That was amazing. Crazy how we have some of the same thoughts about the two of them. I wish I had just one memory! I love you!

Kelly Stoddart said...

ThatT was really touching to read. What a great way to honor your father and brother. I can't even imagine having to through that.

A Sharing Heart said...

Oh Erin you touched my heart with your beautiful words and thoughts. How blessed we were to have known them and how blessed we are to know that we can be with then again one day. You have been given a wonderful gift from him that you can treasure always and that I love sharing with you as I read your posts and poems. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.