Haapy Birthday Mom

Mom I wish I had the words to say

To thank you on this special day

To tell you what you mean to me

You made me who I want to be

When you were born who knew the road

you wander would seem so very slow

"Been through so much", they seem to say

As you travel along your way

Your smile does deceive them so

You as special you would hat to show

But to me you are as rare as sand

That turns to pearl within Gods hand

You've been both the sculpture and the clay

Seen the child and the mothers day

And what a mother you have been

Even on the days you were pecked like a hen

Grace is the word that got you through

Pink is the color I think of for you

A lady you were and will always be

Even if I did end up as the pea

I wish I was there to see you cheer

to watch the candle flame disappear

But from afar I want to say

I'm so glad you were born

On this special day.

Her Brother!!

A very good friend of mine was a middle child, not only that she was proceeded by a very gifted daughter and followed by a severely handicapped son. She felt lost in the struggle to say the least! She felt kind of alone in her life her parents both clinging to the son they were so desperately trying to keep in their home and out of a hospital. It seemed she was always being asked to help out, to change her 9 year old brothers diaper, take him for a walk, or feed him his dinner. She found allot of joy in the task but every once in awhile found it a hard burden to bear. She asked allot of questions about why this was her life, why this was her struggle. But when she stopped to look she would see in his eyes the angel that he was. The beautiful spirit too pure to be tested that was living in her home and sharing in her life. Then one day when she was older she was ready to get her life's blessing. she went to the patriarch and sat in the chair. Her mind was wondering back to the morning of her special day that was spent trying to get Ryan to eat his breakfast and she could not help but feel a little sorry for throwing her own fit for the chaos.

As the patriarch put his hands on her and started her sweet blessing a calm came over her. She was filled with the spirit and at the end the only part she could remember was when the patriarch told her of her sweet brother, the one who guided her through the pre-existence. And who helped her find her way. The special person who helped her so much then that now it was her turn to return the favor.

Even now years later, the boy has had to go into a home for the handicapped, but every single day she goes to see him. Even in her busy life that is now filled with children, Errands, and chores she goes to thank the man who she knows is the reason she came to earth, the man who helped her so much before that she will help him however she can. Until one day she will see him in the next life and they can spend it together taking care of each other again. Only then will she know that when she says I love you he will hear it and understand But even more he will be able to return the words to her.

Primary overload

I got called to be the new primary secretary in our brand new recently split ward! Holy Cow!! It just may kill me, at least the next few weeks while every week every thing has to be re- done to make the changes we come up with at the meetings. Not only did the ward change but we went to a new building, so now for two weeks we have had to change up room assignments (the valiant 10's in a room with a nursery table and toys that is kind of funny) And No one is accepting the callings so we have been working off of subs. We are all trying our very best but, I feel like The president and I are shouldering the brunt of the work. I want to say "and what will you be doing" every time I get a call or email form one of the counselors. Oh well, just needed to release some stress. Now I will get back to fixing the signs for the doors and then I will call subs again,and then I need to put together the fathers day gift for the bishop.... I guess I have lees time today than I thought. BYE

New Blog

Chronicler AKA My Aunt, one of my Dads sisters who he cherished so much, has invited me along with all of my other family in the blogging world to join a picture blog. Everyday we will all put up a new picture within the theme she pics for the day. As excited as I am about this I am nervous. I have only just begun to tap into my creative side which I know flows through all of there veins equally with there lifes blood. I hope to keep up with all of there genious. It will be a challange for me but I am up for the task. It will be so fun. And a wonderful way to catch up with these wemon who I love from afar and who I admire so much, I also have a little bit of jealosy for there memories of my father I love to ask them questions and build my dream world of him around all of there real memories. Before we dive off of this really sappy cliff I will end Check us out. at http://anodisasgood.blogspot.com/ A blog built up of wemon who live scattered throughout the country, and life stages.

Little Bro

Sorry Smee' He flies for free because he is just an awesome guy and people just throw money at him all the time to better the world!!! No way, He has just tried to get as close to the airline industry as he can so he is running an area of the cargo department for Delta in Las Vegas. He could tell you great stories of the things, amounts of money, animals, bodies, safes, all kinds of things that he helps people put onto planes. One time while I was in town still he had a shipment of Alaskan Lobsters going to one of the really snooty resorts in town and a couple of the Lobsters had died on the way. Well the very snooty place would not take them and the company that shipped them did not want to pay to ship them back so needless to say we all ate well that night!! Really the best Lobster I have ever had.

Whirl Wind Weekend

What a great time we had!!!! We got into town at at 11 am on Friday and then we just did not stop all weekend. I clung to my mom's side all weekend only detaching long wnough to visit an aunt and then to atttend the baby blessing we went down to see. My husband and I hardly saw each other because he stayed with his brothers and sister at his dads house and I kept the kids to play at my moms. People kept asking both of us where the other one was but, I guess on a trip like that we both understood our need to be with our own families. And we both left completly satisfied with the time we got to spend. My only complaint would be it was just not long enough!!! Oh yeah and Lisa boy were you right it was very HOT!!!!

UPDATE ON THE LITTLE BRO> FOR SMEE!!!

He is doing great and is just as elusive as he has ever been. I did get to see him for a little while and he (along with my brother in law) even babysat so that all of up girls could have a pedicure. He is still waiting to see if the government will clear him medically for flight school. It has been quite the fight but, I don't think he is ready to give in quite yet. He has several physicians on his side saying the likelihood of him needing to have more operations is extremely small, so I think he may make it in. In the mean time him and the misses are planing on traveling the world, they are planing a trip to Paris pretty soon, and since he gets to fly for free they are going to see everything before they have children. I think they are just the cutest things I have ever seen. His wife is adorable and just perfect for him. So in other words he is happy and healthy and doing just great.

VEGAS BABY!!!!!

Here I come! I am so ready! For the lights?..... NO, for the food?...... NO, For the gaming?.... NO!!! For the shows?..... NO!! (okay that's enough)

I get to go see my family this weekend. I get to see my new nephew and my mom and my sisters and mabye my brother who knows he just got married and wonders around the country alot! But I hope to see him. I have not been more excited in a very long time! Hence all of the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!

Guess what today is!! It is the IKEA grand opening her in Draper!!! I can not wait because not only am I getting to get my kids there bunk beds. They have been in a tent for about a month, but craigs list is going crazy with people making room for new IKEA stuff I have been collecting free stuff from all over all week! I got my kids closet re organized with real dressers. Today I am going to pick up a new bookshelf that doubles as a dollhouse for the toy room!! Thank you IKEA!!

Crazy

I went over to flickr and put the word crazy into the search and her is what I got 345,381 pictures matching that description! How fun is that. I am not able to go many places right now, with one child attached right to my body most of the time and two more pulling at my legs I dont have much of the desire needed to vetnure very far. SO here I was wanting to see something new and BOY DID I EVER! Smee and Chronicler, the cats are for you. Lisa the two leaps of faith are for you. The tree is for Dad, for some reason he loved trees, and that has to be the best one I have seen in a while.

The rest are just for fun. I hope to give all of you somthing to smile at! Have a CRAZY day. Go do somthing fun!!

Still CRAZY but kicking just the same!!!!

This picture just matched the mood I am in today!! It has nothing to do with my news! However freedom has returned to my world I feel as if I have been putting my whole life on hold for the past few months. I love blogging but have not been able to do it lately with all of the things going on here in my small little world that I love. I have decided that I was not a very good mom! Sure My kids went to bed at night still breathing and that counts for something. But I realized that my son is 3 years old and I sort of missed it, I have been so stressed about being the every thing mom that I have not been able to see who he is and get to know him. I spent years living behind a camera which in turn has given us some pretty cute scrapbooks but I am not in them! I realized that I want to be in them! So here I was trying to earn extra money that we really don't need by babysitting and I was so much more stressed out by the extra that I gave it up and for the past couple of weeks I have been playing with my children. We have painted and read stories and listened to an album I got from my husband for Christmas that My dad liked and I think at least for the time being I have found some happiness! I love playing! And there is nothing wrong with playing now and cleaning later!! I think I was meant to be raised by a flower child even if he has come to me late in life I am discovering my father through reading the words he wrote. He was a true soul man. He wrote what he felt and pulled no punches. And, although he was a stern critic of himself he left behind his drafts. I think I have uncovered his thought process and I hope to be able to get his work published someday!! I think if I were raised with him closer I would have unleashed my inner self much sooner. I think he would have brought out the spirit inside of me long ago, I sometimes wonder where I would be if he had been able to let me run wild with him by my side!

He comes to me now late at night when I least expect it. I feel him watching over me as I study the words of the savior. He bring me little moments of tender hugs while I dream and I love him for it. He is my soul mate The Father who even when I feel we have been torn apart is still very near to me. I love the Gospel and the fact the I know I will be able to get to know him for who he really if not just who I imagine him to be.

So here I am back on my journey I hope you all will come along and let me send My thoughts back out to the few people who are out there!!

Tragedy again

I woke up today after a long and restless night spent dreaming of worried and petrified parents and students across the country. Also spent waking every few hours to check on my own sleeping and peaceful little ones. Who know nothing far from their own sheltered reality here with me. My heart goes out to all of those parents who had to muster the courage to send their children off today. And to those who did not have the strength within them to do so, who instead chose to spend the day pretending, if only for a little while, that they could protect all of the people they love.

The news channels are asking all of the same questions. What drives a person to do this?, How can we be more careful?, Did the authorities do all that they could have done?. When the reality is All of that today does not matter to so many who lost loved ones so dear to them.

Our world has shifted again.

I sat in school Not too many years ago and heard about two boys who took a gun to school and started shooting, then I went off to college and One morning got a knock on my door only to find my good friend in tears saying "The country is under attack", believe it or not that same friend told me yesterday of a shooting not too far from where she lives now in Virginia.

So many places and dates dot my life now It is hard for me to remember what I did at Senior prom but ask me about nine eleven, columbine, the Amish, trolley square, Emily Hayes, Abu Grahab, Snipers along the east coast, so many more... And I can recall what my life was like when those names became etched in my brain.

How grateful I am that I can look to my Heavenly Father, that I can turn my life over to him for guidance, direction, and today most of all comfort and strength. Who knows where the next tragedy will hit, what we know is that it will happen again that is for sure. We also the know...

The Lord is my Shepperd I shall not faint, yea though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil.

Therefore continue your journey and let you heart rejoice for behold and lo I am with you even unto the end. Joshua 1:9

Moments

Lisa posed a challenge to all who read her blog and I would love to respond to the moments in my life. I think I have few that might be worth sharing with you all.

The first one I can think of is when I first remember really knowing that I had a testimony of the gosple. I had been through some pretty horrible times at then end of high school . When I was about seventeen, I was sruggling with knowing my worth as a person. I had a boyfriend who was very abusive towards me, and made me feel very small. I had been through some rough times within my family as well, and then I ran away to school and was having a hard time being on my own. I went in to see the bishop only because I had a sweet roomate who thought it would help and forced me to go. After several sessions with him he challenged me to read the book of Mormon and to try to get to the temple as much as I could. He set up baptisms and sent some one to ride with me on a pretty regular basis It took me about two months and some real soul searching but when I finished the Book I got a blessing and the bishop and I fasted together. I won't go into much more detail but I know that I am a daughter of God and that I have a heavenly Father who loves me. And I have always known that. I did not need to look far to know that this was true. I can remember that precious moment And I always will.

Then not many years later I was made a mother and the overhwelming responsiblility of that hit me hard as a rock coming straight from heaven and landing flat on my head. Moment again. I wondered how I would get this child through life, how could the Lord intrust me with such a special little spirit. But he did and I would do just that. I could guide his child through this life as long as I stayed right there with my husband on one side and the Lord on the other.

I think those moments have cemented my soul in a firm foundation of faith one that I know I will never stray from even if I struggle day to day. I know where I came from and where I am heading. And I am more greatfull for that the any other thing on this planet beacuse, by no other way can we be happy and find true joy than by the knowlendge that we are children of a heavenly father who loves us. It makes every descision not just worth making but worth making right.

Thank you Lisa what a great challenge.

My blog is suffering

I took on a littleboy to watch 10 hours a day five days a week!!!! What was I thinking? Not that my day is any harder he really is fine but I feel I have no free time anymore. I was able to do alot more when I was with just my own kids. You can shower in the middle of the day with just your kids, you can plop them in front of the T.V. for a while when the need arrises and not feel to guilty, but with him here I feel more guilt about stuff like that. So if it seems like I am not around a whole lot I am not. Time really does fly and so do the days latley. But I wanted to post a little note to say I miss the blogging world and hope to figure out a new rutine soon.

What a Prince

I never remember any dates. I have to look up my families birthdays and even have to take a few minutes to remember my children's which I sometimes have to double check. I am not very good at history for that reason. However my anniversary is especially hard because we set so many dates before we finally eloped (as much as you can at the temple we scheduled the next possible date) on March 23, 2002. Well of course I did not remember and I should have WOW 5 years seems like a mile stone moment. I know those of you who have been married longer may think "wait for ten or even twenty." but for me I am so happy to have made it this far. There are so many times I can remember thinking that I could throw in the towel and just "cut my losses" before we had kids. And then after I had my first child it turned into having to "stick it out." And then of course Two more kids later we had to work it out.
I am so glad that when things got rough my hubby and I got together to work it out. I would have missed the best part of our life had I given up on him.

See I will take you back twenty years to a day that will always be a big moment in my marriage.

Before I met my husband he was a boy who was in love with his mother. A woman who in her own life was very confused. Stumbling her way through motherhood making mistakes like we all do but, judging herself much harder than anyone ever should. Trying to live up to the expectations she put upon herself and then later blamed on the church. Of course as children do my husband loved her through her faults. He did not notice that dinner was repeated week after week. Didn't care that she could not but him the best new clothes. He knew she came to his ballgames and played with him on the living room floor. What he did and still does care about is the moment she said to him "I do not want you to be with me right now" Then she turned with her bags in hand and left him behind. You see she needed to work out her own life. A goal that now is so common among young mothers. People who do not have to live in my marriage. Or in there children's.

For the first few years I know my husband was doing almost everything he could to make me say those words. Boy did we fight we could scream, and we could yell, I could cry and he could fall asleep with out ever really talking about anything at all. And until he told me about the day his mom left I did not fully understand why he did not trust any women. Once I figured that out I decided to fight for him. To change his view and to show him what a real woman should be. Not that it has been easy but now I make him sit at the table with me and work things out. I try to leave him notes in all sorts of places and I get up with him in the mornings to see him off to work. And like in Jhonny Lingo I now have a ten cow husband.
.................
Three years later I woke up to find two bags of doughnuts on the table and a note that simply said "Happy anniversary to a woman who I know is not my mother" When he came home that night we had planned to have a pretty candlelight dinner by ourselves after the kids went to bed. And of course the baby was screaming and the two older ones were laughing and screaming in their beds. But across the chaos I looked into the eyes of the man I promised to stick out eternity with and saw A man who I know will cherish me for that whole time. There is no other gift you can give to a spouse then a love that lasts an lifetime and will go on even longer after that. I know he loves me for me. He looks at me at my worst and helps me find my way back to the best. I pull him out of the holes he digs himself into. So even if FIVE years does not seem like much I am so great full the are over and and looking forward to the next gazillions even more so that I did the day I walked out of the temple holding his hand.

Spring cleaning

I know I have not been in my new place for long but, I can't help myself. When the weather turns warm somthing happens to me. I begin to feel it when I first open the windows and see how dirty the screens are then, slowly I am totally overcome with the desire for my house to ****SPARKLE****

So here I have been for the last week Scubbing, like crazy. I love it!!! It puts me in such a good mood to see my house all organized and clean. Of course three days later it is totally undone but for those first few minutes I have a glimpse of heaven on earth. So here I sit waiting and wondering how long it will last. Every year I commit to keepingit up and mabye this year I will succed. We will see.

The Patience Project

Robert C. Oaks gave an excellent talk a few months ago titled The Power of Patience. If you have got the time read it... http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=59df0d034ceae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
(sorry I do not know how to make the link any shorter)

For F.H.E. last night we started our family on a patience project. I made up a chart and whenever we catch each other being patient we get to put up a sticker and whenever we catch ourselves or each other being inpatient we have to put up a check. I have turned it into a race to see who gets the most stickers at the end of the day. Does that defeat the purpose??? Maybe. Oh well already today me kids are killing me I have 4 checks and no stickers but, they have three stickers each and only two check together. I guess I need this more than they do.
Oh well. I just wanted to share a good talk. See how the Patience project can work for you and let me know. Maybe we can start a revolution.

Changing it up!

I am having a life changing week. And not only is my blog page new I hope I will be new as well. I realized something about myself as I sat in Relief Society last week, I am so selfish. I knew I was, in fact when I was younger I prided myself on it. Not that I am mean or that I ignore my children or anything it is just that I focus on what I want to do or what needs to be done instead of what would be good for my family. Even when I am doing the laundry, scrubbing toilets whatever, I do it selfishly. I tell my kids to leave me alone, then when they don't I tend to get upset. So the experiment began. I was going to try my best to put them first to give myself, all of myself, to my children and husband. I got the things I needed to get done, done. But I had way more fun doing it. I let my kids into the room to help me fold the laundry. HOLY COW it went well. Then I even gave them both rags to help me clean the kitchen and THEY LOVED IT. I guess anything is fun when you do it with mom.

My attitude has been the hardest thing to alter. I don't sleep much, My baby sleeps well, but my daughter still wakes up two or even three times at night. This would usually mean I get out of bed like this...

*cries* "mommy"
***WHACK**** the covers flying off of me so the hubby knows my sorrows..
inside my brain..... "not again, when will this ever end" (oh poor poor little mommy)
***Stomping down the hallway****
"Baby what know" "Ilk mommy please"
inside my brain..... If I bring her milk her diaper is going to explode in the morning but if I don't I have to figure out how to get her back to sleep"
***Stomping down then back up the stairs***
"Here baby but I am not coming in here again you go to seep!!!!"
**Thump back in to bed so hubby really knows I have been up***

How fun was that, ... none. So this week I have even refocused on that, when she woke up on Monday night for the first time I crawled into her little bed with her and sang her back to sleep. Not only did she go right back to sleep but I got to snuggle with my little girl, who is growing way to fast, for a few minutes. And she did not have pee running down her jammies in the morning. I would like to say she slept the whole night through after that but she did not. She still woke up and we layed in bed together singing twinkle twinkle. I have come to love our late night serenades.
Even in the morning when I am trying to be good and read my scriptures it was awful, I would be trying to read when one of them would need me and I would say"please let me finish this mommy needs five minutes to herself please just go away for a little while." Of course they would come right back and It would end up with me being so angry that I would slam the book closed and not pick it up again all day. The new way is like thins I get up earlier.. Can you believe it. My husband sure can't. But there is truth to that fact that the spirit comes early in the morning. What a great way to start my day.
I am going to try to post something in the mornings most days from my morning dance with the spirit we will see what comes. I hope I keep this up I have had a pretty great week!!

A hero among us

I have had no idea what to write about for a while. I got kind of sick of writing about myself so...

I am going to do something a little bit different. I am going to start each morning with a thought for the day. One that will come from outside of myself. Maybe from my scripture reading in the morning, something my kids say to me when i see them first thing, or like today from a woman who I have admired from afar for a very long time.
My Aunt Jan has never been extremely present in my life. I have heard about what she has been doing, and about her children from my Grandmother and my own mother but, have never really sat down with her to talk. However her life has made an impact on mine.
She was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago. She went through radiation and chemo loosing all of her hair and of course becoming as close to death as they let you get. I was so awed by her strength throughout the whole process. She put on a brave face, maybe not always feeling that way but, portraying it that way. I am sure she was frightened and unsure about what would come of it. However she made it through and was in remission for a long time.
Well just a few short months ago it began again. The disease that had already ravaged her body once was back and this time was not going to let her get off as easily. She lost a breast.

I can't begin to understand what that would feel like. The loss that would come with it. To me it would be like loosing a friend the thing which first made me a woman, which feed my children and kept them attached to me for a little while. I would miss it more than I think I would want people to know.

But it does not end there, she starts chemo again this week. She might loose her hair again and be taken to the edge of death. Going on more medications with more side effects than she was willing to share with her family. She will be strong again and she will survive her way through. In her own words" I feel so very blessed and I am so thankful for the atonement!" She finds comfort in the Savior. So I will to. I can bring him into my own life which has the pains that are no where near her own. I will draw strength from her faith and think about her today.

Dear lord please send your love
to guide us on this day
Bring peace that only Jesus
can send us on our way
Hide the pains and sorrows
We are feeling from our hearts
Let us walk in peace
Let you help us play our part
Send the spirits that surround us
With the love and peace we seek
Help us to feel them closer
Help me to be meek
The pains of the world are real
as fleeting as they may be
Bring me the peace of atonement
that will someday set me free.

I love you Jan I hope that you will feel the faith of your family surrounding you in this hour of trial.

Ridiculuos lawsuits

I know it is no new thing but I have to get this off of my chest. What in the world is wrong with people. I think we have gone so far off track as a society and I would like to thank the lawyers who waist all of their time and educations by representing such morons!!! In stead of fighting for the real problems in our society.
It started I am sure before the whole McDonald's coffee spill but has gotten to the point that you have to sign a waver before you can play in the snow on private land. I read an article about a man who got fired from his job for looking at porn on the company's time. And he is suing them. He claims he should be getting sympathy for his "addiction" instead of being fired. He is filing under the Americans with disabilities act. YES you read that right, he is claiming he is disabled and that stress from Vietnam turned him into a sex addict. SO yes lets all spend some more tax money to set up facilities for all of those who can't keep it in there pants!
This is going to get way out of hand.....
Soon I will be able to claim that my children are to stressful I need to be compensated for my sanity. who could I sue, the doctor who delivered them, the hospital who sent me home even though I cried a little in front of my nurse, My mother for having me in the first place, or maybe even the government for not demanding that I be screened more properly before I was able to decide to have children.I am telling you I see more and more articles every day that boast such ridiculous claims for money that I want to scream out. YOU are why we have to really search to find a set of swings on a public playground. Why all of the potential good doctors are going to law school instead of into medicine. Would you want to pay half a million dollars every year just to insure your business. The idiots in the world are why the words CAUTION THIS MIGHT BE HOT are printed on the side of a coffee cup. DUH of course it's hot, its coffee moron!! And why soon we will have to sign paperwork before we can enter a building, (what if an earthquake hits and you get trapped) buy a car (you may have an accident), watch a movie(what if you get offended), and who knows what else.
Lets hope it does not come to this. But I think time will tell it will only get worse.

Journalling

I was trying to catch up in my journalling this week and I came upon a bunch of entries in a journal that I had covered in phrases. "Do not read," "burn when I die," "Please do not open." I remember this journal but, I don't know why I kept it.

To say my siblings did not get along all the time would be an understatement. We all had kind of a crazy relationship. One minute we would all be sitting playing a game and the next thing I knew everyone was in an uproar. WE COULD FIGHT! Or should I say they would fight, I would cry and then write in this journal. It was a powerful tool growing up because I hated the screaming. I did not want to be a part of it. Even though every once in while I could be a part of it with a vengeance. I would write what I wanted to scream into the notebook and then I could put it away and go on. One of my sisters was the boss and it was her job to keep all of us on top of our chores and to keep us alive. After passing out assignments she would rock in her chair for hours listing to music and singing only to come out a few minutes before mom came home to tell us what we still needed to get done. My other sister was the instigator. She knew just how to get what she wanted. She could throw a fit and kick up a whirlwind that would slow down into a calm peaceful stare. My brother was the go to guy. We loved to see what we could make him do, which in turn turned him into the "fall guy" he got into trouble for just about everything. Even if someone else did it. I wrote in this journal almost every day. We would fight almost everyday. and I would put all of my emotion into that journal. I think that is why I could just cry and not get into the fight very often.

When I look at my family today I can see how we got the way we did. Sister Number one is so controlled and organized. Her family runs on a schedule that is kept in line very closely. Her kids walk in ironed clothes and "done up" hair. They are a happy family. Number two had open heart surgery in 11th grade and she has been a different person ever since. Her family is peaceful, her house is kept clean but, not neat she has a calm that walks with her. I think she is trying to avoid an explosion. My brother has just gotten married after a few(to put it mildly) girlfriends he has been "in love" with. He wandered for a long time before settling into the swing of his life. I think because he was forced to be who we wanted him to be for so long. I have turned into a very complacent person. Finding a way to avoid any turmoil in my life. I tend to ignore problems. You can't do this as an adult. Things just go on snowballing without you looking until you find yourself surrounded in a cold place with no way of knowing what direction is up.

I think finding this journal and evaluating all of the passages has made me look at things in a new light. I wonder why my siblings and I turned out so differently but I can see why we had to fight to be who we are today, we are all happy, we all seem to find the peace in our lives. It has been a fun journey and I know we all loved each other the whole way through the ride.

I have torn the journal to shreds. The things inside were not pleasant to read They were mean and not at all true statements about three people who I have come to love very dearly. I say come to love because I think we all love our families but we have to come to love who they are individually without holding them to the same standards we hold ourselves to. Just because they came from the same house that I did does not mean they are going to be just like me. Or even that we have to have more that DNA in common. But, we love them. We support them in what they so. And we find our who they are through there own eyes. There own stories. I bet we would tell three very different versions of our childhood together.

Finally They've done it!!!

I always said that if I ever got a ton of money I would hire someone to come every morning to cut me a grapefruit. I love grapefruit but, I hate to cut it up, it takes a lot more work than my lazy hands want to do all the time. SO someone heard my plea and the good people at Del Monte cut it up for me to eat any time I want it. I am so excited. Thank heavens for little triumphs that lift your sprits!!!

Be an M&M

So her we all are all M&M's. What a fun thing to go and do. I did leave out teh baby because I just don't know him well enough to make him an M&M but when I do get to know his "flava" I will be sure to add him in. My little girl with her crown that I am sure she was born in. My boy's big blue eyes and baseball stuff. My husbands sly smile and his hockey stick. And of course me with a phone always in my hand.

Go and see what you can make of yourself??!!!


http://www.becomeanmm.com/

OLYMPIC DAY

http://www.olyparks.com/uop/about_uop_history.asp

I had my Mother in Law here this weekend and we went out to Olympic Park in Park City. If you have not done this yet, you should.

You can see all of the events that went on during the Winter Olympics. The left picture is of the Lodge where you can eat and see the freestyle jumping. Of course when we went it was covered in snow and off to the left they have set up a tubing track where we could take our kids. Behind this is the bobsled run where for $200.00 you can ride in a bobsled ONE time.

Come to find out, people from all over the world travel here just to bobsled. http://www.olyparks.com/uop/winter_bobsled_rides.asp

They fill up the bobsledding reservations almost every day which means that 30-40 people per day pay the price to ride in the bobsled. There is a museum zip lines and all sorts of fun things to do . If you are ever in the areal I definitely recommend checking it out.!!!

I guess it is better in the Summer time, they put wheels on the bobsled and the price for a ride goes down to $65.00 then they open some slides and other things up. I will give all of the fun details of that trip when we make it in a few months.

Kindness of Strangers

Just when you thought no one cared.....

I sold some things on EBAY like I always do. Whenever I am sick of somthing the first thing I do is put it on EBAY and if it does not sell then I give it to charity. Well I listed a bunch of stuff last week and made some money so yesterday I went to print out shipping labels and set up post office pick up and of course, I have lost the cord to my printer. So I had to take all of my shipments to the post office. With my three kids.

I fed the baby before we left and told my kids that if they were good for me in the post office I would get them a special drink when we got home. (that usually works) Well not only did the baby start screeming the second we walked through the door but my children started running, jumping, climbing and screaming in the office. Then after I had everything labeled and the costums forms filled out I got up to the window only to find that I had put my two international shipments in the worng boxes. At this point I was ready to just break down and cry....

I hear a voice behind me, the kind man took my packages and not only re boxed them but labeled them for me too so I could hold my baby. IT did not end there my children started to pull boxes off of the walls and he startred to play with them and put the boxes back while I waited for my change. He was next in line but stepped out to help me turning his two mintue post office stop into a ten minute stop.

So to the man who took the time to save my sanity today I say thank you so much. It was just what I needed to make me feel the world is not such a bad place to be after all.

If you can do it I can (Mabye)

100 things about me!......

1. If I did not know the story of why I have the name I do I would hate it. But because my Dad came bursting into the hospitl four days afrter I was born saying it over and over I love it!
2. I'm afraid my daughter will feel the same way about her name.
3. I do not like to drive unless I am totally alone on a dark road.
4. I wanted to be Anne from Anne of green gables when I was growing up.
5. I would dance on my toes all day if I did not have flat feet. Forcing myself to try it as a teenager has messed up my feet.
6. I truley know where I am going when I die! And I cannot wait to get there.
7. I can name at least 300 people who love me, some of them may not know me very well but they all love me very much
8. I love all of them too.
9. I am addicted to words. *Boggle, or scrabble anyone?*
10. I love boardgames and my husband get forced to play them with me... (even the kids games like candy land and operation).. he can't wait for my son to start playing them with me.
11. I love Diet Coke, not becuase of the taste so much as the fact that It makes me feel older because my mom drank it all my life.
12. I want to do everything!!!!
13. I make the best no bake cookies in the world!!
14. I read my biology book for fun
15. I am not a newborn person I like to be able to have my kids tell me what is wrong (took that one from Smee)
16 That being said I am facinated by birth. The whole process of making a baby is amazing
17. I do not know how you could have carried I child and not belive in God.
18.One day I will be a midwife!
19. I love to go to the movies even though I have not been to one in a year.
20. I hate that I can't have a movie channel at my house because the dirty shows come on it too.
21. I love my husband more deeply than my kids and am not ashamed to say it!!! (They will be sealed to someone else someday)
22. I know the gosple of Jesus Christ is true!! And knowing that has saved my life.
23. I know where I would be if I was not a member of the church and it is not pretty.
24. I try very hard to love my in-laws!
25. This list is harder than I thought it would be.
26. I could eat more at one sitting than you think I could be looking at me.
27. I know I have way more in common with my Dad than my mom. But, that does not mean I love him any more than her.
28. I wonder who I would have been if I had known my dad at all.
29. I miss my Dad more every single day.
30. I have been ANGRY and screamed at God and that is okay.
31. I love to write any thing at all. short stories, poetry, novels, songs, biographies, essays. EVERYTHING.
32. I crave knowledge. I think I will be in school for the rest of my life.
33. I love being a mom even if I scream at my kids.
34. I have one uncle who has inspired me more than he will ever know, he has helped to mold me into who I have become and I know that my Dad will thank him for it one day.
35. I know I can be better than what I am.
36. I can dance!!!
37. I can't sing! At all but, one day I want to at least beable to carry a tune. When my kids are in school I want to take voice lessons. (the poor teacher REALLY)
38. I love food!!!!
39. I wish I had the patience to bake cakes like chrinicler, but I can hardly wait for the oven to finish baking it.
40. I am addicted to T.V. and I do not like that about me. (yes, I wam working on it)
41. I go to bed at night counting the things I did wrong that day instead of the things I did right. 42. I want to be like my Mother!!! She eludes peace from her soul.
43. I pray for her happiness every single day!!!!
44. I wish I could fly. I had a vivid dream as a child that I flew to heaven I talked to my Brother I could feel it when I flew and I want to do it again.
45. I could never skydive!?!
46. I work out 6 times a week and I love it I think it keeps me sane!!!
47. My favorite book is My Brother Sam is dead I read it in fifth grade and every year since then.
48. I like reality T.V. and my husband hates it but loves me so he watches with me.
49. I can smell rain days before it gets to me.
50. I think the desert is beautifull
51. I love being alone!!!
52. I lived in the closet under the stairs when I was 13
53. I can't wait to be 30
54. I look best in black.
55. I know the Gettysburg addreess
56. I know enough sign language to have a simple conversation with a deaf person if they slow down for me.
57. I have a deep love for mentaly dissabled people. I do not know where this comes from, but I have more patience when I am around them.
58. I want to travle the world. But, my husband says hewon't fly over any oceans. (anyone want to go with me)
59. I have eaten dinner at a resturant by myself and ordered dessert just for fun.
57. I like the Harry Potter books and movies.
58. I do not like Star Wars, but I do watch them (alot) becuse my Dad and Brother loved them.
59. I like men with tatoos, but love that my husband resisted the urge to get any.
60. I have a cousin who when I was litttle would tell me I was gorgeous And I think that is why Ifell in love with a redhead
61. I like my belly button
62. I think my kids are the most beutifulll when the are in the bathtub soaking wet. I have so many pictures of them in there.
63. I wish I could paint like Smee. And even tried, by painting my kids room... think it turned out okay.
64. I think my husband is sexy, and I think about him all day long.
65. I take long hot baths, so long I end up refilling the water at least once.
66. It makes me sad to think I might never be pregnant again.
67. It makes me happy to think I might never be pregnant again.
68.I am happy when my kids go to bed at night, and that does not make me a bad mom.
69. The best advise about being a mom I ever got was to know that I am the mom, nobody else can tell me what is best for them however bad I may think they know I Am The Mom.
70. I know that wanting to throw a newborn is normal. And that does not mean you should never have been made a mother. It just means you need to go into another room for a while.
71. I should pray on my knees more.
72. I crave my bed.
73. Unlike my father, I think sleep is the best part of most days.
74. I go to church every sunday. Unless I am sick. If my kids are sick my hubby stays home becasue I NEED CHURCH on sundays.
75. I want to speak in church but have only been asked to do so a few times.
76. I loved being the Sunbeam teacher.
77. I did not like being the nursery teacher.
78. I can't wait to know what I did in Heaven to be born in the family that I was.
79. I have been through a horrible experience and lived to become stronger from it. And most people who know me don't know it ever happend
80. I grew up knowing my Dad loved me without having a memory of him telling me so
81. I do not say I love you enough.
82. I like peanut butter.
83. I sing loudly in the car.
84. I dance in elevators to give the security gaurd watching somthing more to look at. Even when I know no one is there.
85. I have to controll myself, not to force my daughter to be a Ballet dancer.
86. I repent daily and think everyone should.
87. I do not think anyone should ever tell you what you should be doing with your life. That is the Holy Ghosts job.
88. I do not like to work at "normal" jobs I like doing things that make money on my own schedule.
89. I am fascinated by breast feeding and someday will ask how God came up with that.
90. I too (like Smee) love hot pudding over Ice Cream.
91. I have a constant conversation with, both my earthly and Heavenly, Father going on in my head.
92. I think I can type without looking at me finger but am to afraid to try.
93. Being able to have "stuff" does not mean you have money.
94. I like to make over myself and my house.
95. I like getting dressed up even if I have nowhere to go, One night when I was 16 I called a boy and asked him to take me out only after I got dressed up because I thought I looked to pretty to stay home. And I married him three years later.
96. I like to sing in the shower and while I get dressed in the morning. #37 will tell you to feel bad for my family, becasue I sing alot.
97. I wish I could tap dance and I will take lessons someday soon.
98. I love my life.... most of the time
99. I tell white lies. And I hope that is okay.
100. I hope it is easier for you to read this than it was for me to write it.

FOURS MEME

I love meme's! I like to write them but, I love to go around reading them so here goes...This is one I got from Smee and she got from Mellissa.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Sonic skating waitress and Drink/Dessert maker

2. Medical Assistant to a geriatric internest

3. Ticket girl at the movies

4. Waitress at IHOP

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. Home movie of my Dad at Christmas

2. Steel Magnolias

3. Houseguest

4. Center Stage

C) Four places I have lived:

1. Hemet, CA

2. The back of a Semi Tuck, Wherever it was, USA

2. Henderson, NV

3. Draper, UT

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. House

2. Anything reality (I know I'm a Dork)

American Idol starts tonight

3. FRIENDS

4. Brady Bunch

E) Four places I have been on vacation:

1. San Felipe, Mexico

2. New York, NY

3. Disneyland (Anihiem) CA

4. Laughlen, NV

F)Websites I visit daily:

1. Blogger

2. MyFamily

3. Yahoo

4. Ebay

G ) Four of my favorite foods:

1. Tacos

2. Peanut Butter And Butter Sandwiches

3. Tomatoes

4. Aunt Nancy's Chocolate Chip Cookies

H) Four places I would rather be right now:

1. In Bed

2. On a date with my hubby

3. Reading a book

4. On the beach

That was fun, I love doing these because not only do I get to know all of you better I get to know me better as well.

Peaceful Storm

So, I know it is a "storm" but it can't help but watch from my warm house and think how beautiful it is. There is no clap, no thunder, no pounding against the house the way a storm is supposed to sound. And yet there are people crashing there cars, power lines being weighed down, people freezing and I sit and think of the beauty of it all.

So here I go letting my mind wander. How do you think Our Heavenly Father looks at all of us? He watches from the safety of Heaven looking on as we crash in to each other daily. With our words and our actions we fight or fail to fight for what is right or wrong in our lives. I wonder if he notices the beauty in it all, if he knows that the outcome will be worth all of the pain. Does he get to find peace in knowing why things happen the way they do? Or is he stuck in a rain storm knowing that people make horrific decisions everyday. Knowing he can stop the pain they cause but having the understanding and knowledge that stopping the decisions of his children will cause him to cease being God.

Do you think he feels peace when he looks at the storm or is he feeling bombarded by pain and sorrow.

Maybe in my life I can do more for him, my Heavenly Father, to let him see more beauty in his creations, maybe I can help him to feel the peace in the world. By my actions toward the people in my life maybe I can bring him calm. Share with him the peace that I so desperately look for him to give to me. Maybe I can find the peace I am searching for by thinking of it as giving him the peace he is searching his children for.

Maybe we all can?!?

Did I shrink and move in to the freezer???

Well here I am in Slat Lake City (really Draper) and I am so cold!!! The other day the weather girl was smiling cheerfully and with a stright face said "A warm front is moving in we could see 35 by the end of the week"
To which I would like to reply "HEY IDIOT!!! 35 degrees is NOT a warm front!!"

Allright enough complaing about the weather. I think I am going to like it here. Once I figure out the grid system of the roads. I am learning that 12300 S. is pronounced 123rd S. and it is 123 blocks S. of Temple square. The worst part of these roads is that they have double named them like state street is also a number. So I get to an intersection and pass the street I needed because dunb me was acctually looking for the name of the street. Wait a minute that does not make me dumb.... does it?

My ward seems great. I am sure I will get a calling soon and then I will start to make new friends. I am looking forward to that. I never really have needed a ton of friends becuase I always had my sisters (I even graduated high school with one) but, I am hoping to fall in love with the other women here. I hope I get put into a challanging calling so that I can keep busy. I would like to be forced to get to know the ward. I guess we will see.

I do miss my family and I will admit that I still feel like lying down and giving up some days, and screaming for my mommy to come and get me. Like when my two little rascles climbed up onto my piano to see the snow and tripped, they got caught up in the blinds and both of there arms got rope burned by the blind cord. And of course two days ago when My little boy climbed onto the table and whacked his head open By the time I found a hospital (3 hrs later) it was too late to be stiched so I turned around and brought him right back home. But, I got home from wherever I was!!! Small accomplishments mean allot!!

So my house is unpacked, the laundry is done, and I hope I will be back in the swing of life as soon as possible!!

Have a Great Weekend

I am looking forward to this weekend and Dreading at all at the same time. I get to spend Saturday baking with my mom. Every year I give out goodie plates to my friends and this year I am not going to let a little thing, like a two wekk old, stop me. I am making several things.I hope to get chronicler's Spritz cookie recipie. I will do No- bake cookies for my prince, my grandmas carmel, Winter mint cookies,(these are devils food with a york patty on top...YUM!!!!) Pepermint bark, and of course fudge. I will put up a picture of the finished product later.

I have feeling this day will be bitter sweet. I get to spend time with my mom but, at the same time I feel like I am celebrating a loss. It has been an extremly emotional week for me. Every time I see her I want to burst in to tears throw a fit on the floor, kick my feet and scream " I don't want to go, you can't make me" But, them I go back to knowing that I am not two anymore and I do want to go. Me and my children love my mom so much. My kids greet her at the door every night the same way they greet my husband. She reads them stories and wakes up with them in the night to bring them milk, and I can't help but think they are going to go through a depression when we go. I wonder if we will all spend the first weeks under a cloud. I am welling up here just thinking about going. I really don't know what I will do the first time one of my kids falls down I she doesn't come to see if they need stiches. I guess I willhave to figure it out on my own, or maybe buy a camera phone.

..... Well this blog certanly took a depressing turn, sorry about that. Back to the fun stuff.....

After baking on Sat. I have a Christmas party at my hubby's Grandparents house. The only day all year that we see any of that family (messy divorce, not nice people) But, we usually have a good time. Most people can be plesent for short periods of time.
On Sunday, I am so excited for church. Somthing about Christmas Eve is going to make it special. Not to mention I get to dress my little girl up for the ossasion which is ALWAYS fun (can you say human doll) Then I am going to go to my families Christmas Eve party, an anual event that I will miss the most for Chirstmas. We all get together and do the nativity, sing songs, eat wonderfull food, exchange gifts, and just have a great time. After that we all come back to my moms to open our Christmas P.J.'s. and go to bed.
When Chirstmas morning comes it is all about my kids. We open gifts and then go to Another grandmas house for breakfast. After that we all come home and play all day untill Grandpa gets off work (Bummer for him) then we will go and do presents there.
I hope you all get as excited thinking about your upcoming weekend as I do. Have a very Merry Christmas. Remember the Savior and make him the center of your day.

Winter Wonderland

How Beautifull! I woke up this morning with my Prince standing over me saying "please take alot of pictures." Of course My reply was a groggy "what" then he explained how it was snowing and staying on the ground. So he left and two and a half hours later my kiddos woke up. I looked out the window and to my surprize there not only was snow but inches of snow. So we put jeans and shoes on over pj's and headed outside.

My little girl was so happy to see all of the bubbles. but was sadly dissapointed that they were so cold. My boy wanted to throw snowballs and in the process of building his set of weapons uncovered his football which in turn completly distracted him from his goal giving me ample time to bring on my sneak attack. Seeing as we are in Las Vegas and not used to such weather, we were back in the house after only ten minutes wiping tears and warming freezing hands.

However ten minutes was plenty for now. I am sure in no time at all we will be used to snow in Utah.

It's a BOY

My newest little guy arrived after 9 hours of labor on Friday morning at 10:57. Weighing in at 7lbs 1 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. He is so sweet. It is amazing how they come with their own little personalites right from the start. We have been home for a few days now and I am adjusting pretty well. I even wrapped all of my Christmas presents yesterday.

My little girl has been great, she has been so good with him. Now my boy, on the other hand, was very upset that I had a boy. He just does not understand why nobody has to obey him. He wanted a sister, so he finnally for the first time today asked to hold him and said it was okay to have a boy.

Now all that is left to do is to pack up an move to Utah. We are all set to go on the 28th. Only, I can't make myself belive I am really leaving. I am going to miss my family so badly. I can not even write about it without crying. My mom has been so great to have around. My kids greet her at the door the same way they do their Daddy. They are going to have a difficult time adjusting when we go. My oldest keeps saying that she can just move with us and I think she should come. Oh well, they say that my little family will only grow stronger together through this. It does help to know that we have entered into this prayerfully, and that we are doing what we know we should.
Now if I could only convince my heart of that.

Wish me luck

I am getting ready to leave for the hospital tonight. I get to be induced for this baby at 2:00 a.m. Friday morning. I am so ready!!! The only thing I am even nervous about is bringing the baby home to my little girl, she is just not giving me any clues as to how she is going to react to this, it could go either way. One day she is so excited and the next she is screaming at me"NO BABY MY MOMMY!!" So I guess we will see. Anyhow I will be home Sat. morning and will post some pictures. And I will get to announce Boy or Girl.

More like Mary

I am getting more ready every day to have this new baby, and with the Christmas season upon me I am finding myself wondering what Mary must have been thinking when she was getting ready to deliver the Savior. Did she have any idea what she was getting herself into? She knew she would deliver God's child but, did she know what that meant? Did she know all of the things he would do and say, how much he would have to suffer? I wonder if she was more like all of us other mothers than we think.

Every baby we are given has a piece of divinity in them, a literal God given light that they are given to help them through their mortal journey. As a mother it is my job to make sure they never wonder about who they are, becasue they are who they have always been, from the beginging, A child of a Heavenly Father who loves them and who has a plan laid out for them. It is my job to make my home feel warm and safe, to be the kind of place where they can feel the spirit unrestrained. A place where they can realize what they are to become.

What a joy and a blessing to know that these creatures who are brought into our lives are in every way unique little spirits who already are someone, they came here with a soul. A soul they have been molding for a very long time. A new body but and old soul. They must realize who they are so they can grow beyond where they have been to be what they are meant to be.

Jesus Christ came here with a plan laid out for him, whether his mother knew all he would go through or not she had to do the same things we must do in order for him to become who he did. She had to learn patience and compassion, and mabye more than all of us how to be truly in line with the will of God, and accept that will not only for herself, but for her child.

I hope that I will be able to teach my children how much they are like the Savior, how much they are able to be like him. But, more importantly how much they must be like him in order to return to live with their own Father in Heaven again. I pray every day that I can do this for them. And as the Season is here, I am so greatfull for the example of Mary, the mother of my Brother Jesus Christ.

I AM DONE

I am so excited to announce that I am done shopping for Christmas. Everyone is taken care of. I needed to be done early becaus ein a few short days or weeks I will have a new baby that I am sure would not have fun going out shoping. So I decided this year to venture into the catolog and online shoping world.

I found a few really great websites www.redenvelope.com for my in laws and http://www.sensoryedge.com for my kids. The only problem I ran into was on ebay, when I bought my mother in law a memory quilt and had a horrific time trying to email the pictures to the woman making the quilt. I used to think I was pretty smart when it comes to the internet, but however I am not. Hopefully I will be able to become more comfortable with it some day.

I cannot express in words how great I feel to be done. Mabye I am now going to be able to relax and just focus on having this baby. I don't know how it would have felt to go into the hospital and them come home with so little time to get things ready for Christmas.

Now comes the fun part of the Holidays for me, I love to be in the Kitchen for Christmas. Everything I can make I do, form Gingerbread to pumpkin bread, to pepermint bark, and even candy apples.
I am going to try to make somthing new this year, any ideas??
Let me know what your favorite thing to make for Christmas is. I would love to make somthing new.

LABOR PAINS

I have been in early labor now for four days. What does that mean you say, That means contractions every four minutes 24 hours a day for FOUR, count em FOUR days. I have been going in to get checked because I need to see where I am going and every time he says well... you are a little bit further. I could have screamed so many times.
Then I have a friend who is barely pregnant with her fourth baby say to me, I just don't know what that feels like.. with my babies I have one contraction and 3 or 4 hours later I have baby. Again I could have screamed. "BAD TIMING!!!"
Any way I promised myself that with this baby I would try to be as gracful as possible through out the whole thing, and that I would be patient at the end. Well, after the first 4 months of being on bed rest and home health, track marked arms from botched I.V.s, one ambulance ride from throwing up blood, and then a realy bad reaction to a new medication. I thought that the Lord would at least make the end more bearable!!! I am not sure why I felt this way, but I did. And I have been angry, grumpy, and I am sure a lot of other words the people I live with would not say to my face.
Until today. I can always count on my mom to remind me of my grace.

As I have said before I am not a princess, but for those of you out there who do not really understand what this means...
I am the type to cut up a dead bug to see what it looks like inside, not run away form it. I am facinated by all things relating to the human body, especialy when it comes to cutting them open to see how they work. I realy did watch as a Dr. cut out a little tumer in my gut, and I loved the whole process.
(Okay got off track)
I am a pea and grace is a word to describe my mother, her mother and all of her 8 sisters. I am not graceful. But I am trying so......
Here is to having a better attitude in the end (which I know will someday come, even though some days it doesn't feel that way) of what will mabye turn out to be

FIVES MEME

Got is from Smee who got it from Lolly.....

All about 5s...


1) Five Minutes to Yourself. How would you spend them, ideally?
I can't even begin the fathom that idea. Lately any five minutes alone I am naked from the waste down sitting on paper in the doctors office. I guess ideally... I would be reading a really good book.
.2) Five dollars to spend right now. How would you spend it?Right this minute I am freezing, so Starbucks caramel apple cider.
3) Five Items In Your House You Could Part With Right Now? Lets pretend I am in my own house...(OH that's nice) 1. My prince's box of high school crap that he never looks at. 2. My own box of high school crap that I never look at. 3. Smelly diapers (this is just laziness, I would rather smell them than go outside to dump them) 4. My maternity clothes, in 4 more weeks this will feel good. 5. ANY TOY THAT MAKES NOISE!!!!
4) Five Items In My House You Could Absolutely Never Part With?
1. My journals 2. My dads journals, and poetry!!! 3. Scriptures 4. Change jar, it keeps me looking forward to the vacation we will go on when it is full. 5. Computer
5) Five Words You Love? 1. "Mommy" when voiced by one of the offspring,(took that from Smee) 2. "Bedtime" 3. "Please"no one says it enough 4. "Thanks"again not enough 5. "Push" I just realy want this baby out of me!!!

the second meme
1. Favorite memory of your mother: When my daughter was born my mother held her and I knew she was right there with my day. I have felt that before on the day I went through the temple but, this time it was different because I was not at all distracted, I just watched as he put his arms around them both and held them. I could see my mom smelling him . It really is a memory I will never forget.
2. Favorite memory of my dad: I only have other people memories, but I have a song, a lullaby he wrote for his kids and when I sing it I can see him rocking me in the middle of the night singing it to me. It is a great memory because it can follow me wherever I go. I can change it to what I need. I don't have to be a baby to be rocked and sung too, he can hold me whenever I need it.
3. Favorite memory of your sibling(s): Disneyland!! We went every year for a long time. It seems this was the only time we were not fighting. We would spend the day laughing and running onto rides. Eating churros and suckers, Even the drive down was fun.
4. What one skill would you like to wake up tomorrow and be able to do (though you'd never learned it): I want to be able to cook, not just cook but COOK! You know make real food, the best my family gets is Tacos.
5. Which one of your dreams has come true: I agree with Smee again, getting married to the man of my dreams, I guess not just mine but, my Heavenly Fathers dreams for me. I know there is this person who is there to help me through life. Whenever I get "sick of it" he is there to pull me out of my funk and get me back on track. And it seems whenever he is in that place, as we all are at sometime, we are never in it together. We can always count on each other to get back on track.

Thank you to Smee, and Lolly I always seem to have fun with the meme's.

Amazed

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died
Chorus:
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
enough to die for me
Oh, it is wonderfulWonderful to me
I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine
That he should extend his great love unto such as I
Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify
(Repeat chorus)
I think of his hands, pierced and bleeding to pay my debt
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me
Secure in the promise of life in his victory
Thus ransomed from death I will live to my Savior's praise
And sing of his goodness and mercy through endless days

It is the last verse that we do not sing that really gets me. This is one of my very favorite hymns. I think of it always when I am feeling weighed down and bothered. And lately it seems I have been singing it a lot. Life sometimes does weigh us down, and it is so easy to forget why we have come here to earth to go through the things that we do. I do know that my savior came and died for me and it is because of that knowledge that I can carry on. I know that he suffered for me and will carry me through the joys and sorrows that comes with choosing to go through this life. Thank goodness as Smee says eternity is a mile long string and this life is but a very small knot.

The "Hoods"

I cannot belive how long a week can be. My prince had a whole week of vacation time so, we had planned a trip to Disneyland with our kids just a few days before #1 turned 3. (so we wouldn't have to pay for him) Well almost as predicted I am way to pregnant to do that. I ended up in the hopspital just 4 days before we were to leave. Not a big deal I got the flu and went into labor becuase I was dehydrated. No big thing. However, it did make my husband being home for a solid week a lot harder on him because he had to mostly take care of our kids while I laid in bed and got better.
NOTHING I mean NOTHING could have been better for us. He came to bed every night saying man I wish I had work tomarrow. He had no idea what it took to just keep our house and clothes clean let alone the fact that our children had to go to bed breathing every night. What a trooper he was. He gladly got up and did breakfast and got our kids dressed and then we would try to do somthing together as a family. On day we went to a pumpkin patch, another we just ate lunch in a real resturant, which we never do with our kids, but they did realy great. And one day his mom watched the kids while he and I went to lunch. (Soup salad and breadsticks anyone)
I am sure that if I had to wake up at 4 in the morning everyday and work for 14 hours I would want to shoot myself in the head. I am so glad I am a girl.
So to the "hoods" I am so blessed to live in a marrage where we do have the two "hoods" priesthood and motherhood. I am sure that will make for a very interesting and fun life for my kids. Having grown up in house where we had to call in the Priesthood, I know how blessed my children are not just to have a father, but one who is truly in line with his Heavenly Father. I also am so greatfull for a husband (who grew up missing his mother), who would rather work 5 jobs 24 hours a day before seeing me leave my children with a sitter.
How wonderful the gosple is, what a true way of life to live. I know that being a woman is so much more than being able to do whatever a man does, but being able to wake up two seconds before my child starts to cry. To feel when someone needs to be huged. To understands and translate to others what my daughter is trying to say. And to see my dead tired, dirty, stinky man walk through the door,scoop up his children then notice the spaghetti on the table just for him because he had a bad day and it's his favorite. All of that means so much more to me than any other thing in the whole world.